I Want To Be Like Father
by Yami Bakura's Wife
Summary: Mattimeo's view of his father and how he desperately wants to be like him. (This is when he is younger of course) My first Redwall fic so be nice with reviews, one-shot


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Jeshi: Ooooohh!! I love Redwall!! ^-^ And this is my first ficcy about it, but it will be a one-shot. PLEASE be nice people, it's my first one. T_T And until I get a "moose" as I call them, I will do the disclaiming on my own. I do not own anything from Redwall. Damn you, Brain Jacques! Lol XD Just so you people know… the point of view actually changes around the end, so just to lessen the confusion. ^-6

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Mother finally sends me off to bed for the night. She comes into my bedroom shortly just to kiss me on the forehead and say goodnight. She pats me on the head and says she loves me, and then slowly and silently, she leaves the room, shutting the door behind her, the soft light from the candle that is in her hand disappearing and leaving me alone laying on my cushiony bed in the darkness.

Well, it really was not that dark out, and that was what I had told Mother, but did she listen to me? No. She never does. I want to stay outside for a few more hours, before it gets really dark out, because then I can go " monster hunting " like Father does. Except instead of the really nice sword of the great Martin the Warrior, I have a stick. I am not as worthy enough to wield the sword of Martin the Warrior as Father is. But I will someday, I am sure.

Even now, I smile at the memory of my imprisonment by Slagar the Cruel in the Malkariss Kingdom. Why? Because even though we were most likely to be horribly murdered eventually, I knew that my father was going to come to us. Come help us all, I just knew it. And surely enough, one day he did. I still remember coming home to Mother and the other anxious faces of the other residents of Redwall Abbey. They were so happy to see that we had all returned safely, and were very grateful that Father and his friends had pulled through and came back safely themselves.

I sigh and roll over on my bed. I let sleep overcome me, and in my dreams, I see a warrior. A very brave warrior. Father.

Oh, how I wish to be like Father some day. I want to wield the sword of Martin the Warrior, I want to fight and defend Redwall Abbey. I want to grow up and do it all now, I want to fight with Father, beside him. I want to kill the monsters too! But I have to be brave.

Father, I want to be brave like you too!! I was brave for a time when I was held prisoner by Slagar, but even then some nights I had gone to bed cold and scared. The only reason why I was so brave was because of the other beasts there. They were all so scared and uncertain, they needed someone to give them courage, to give them hope somehow. And Tess was scared too. She was very scared, she needed someone to hold her and tell her everything would be okay. But even with me being as brave as I could, I could not help by feeling slightly scared myself. I do not want to be scared anymore, Father.

I want to forget, forget it all. Forget **how** to be scared, **how** to be sad, **how** to cry. No warrior was ever scared, and they were never sad or cried. Never. I want to be like you, Father, and never cry or be scared, and never sad. I want to be completely emotionless too. Only happiness after a victory, and determination, and anger towards the enemy. That is how a warrior should be like.

I want to be respected like you too, Father. No one here does right now, but only because I am small. If I could fight like you, if I could be like you, brave and strong and never scared, they would surely respect me more. They would all think twice before mocking me ever again! I will show them all, even Basil and Constance.

I want to fight like you too, Father. I want to be able to swing a sword strongly and fight the enemy with all my might. I want to be able to take out the enemy real easily like you do. If only I could be as strong as you, maybe I might have a wife as pretty as Mother some day as well, just like you.

And then maybe I will have a son of my own some day too, and then he will look up to me and want to be a brave and strong warrior, just like his father and grandfather.

Father… I want to be as good-looking as you do too. I am only a little mouse, I want to be older and handsome like you too! Because then everyone will like me more. And I will never be called the little mouse ever again.

Oh, Father. I want to be like you so badly. I will some day, I am sure of it. I will train hard every day and as late into the night as I can before Mother calls me in for supper time and bed. I will even bathe more too so that I look as good as you too. ( well… not THAT many baths… maybe one more than what I usually have ) I will bite my lip even more when you or Mother scold me. I will bite it so hard that it will start bleeding and when it does, I will not flinch at the pain or cry over it. I will not feel sadness or be scared any more. I will walk around in the Abbey cellars in the dark by myself until I am no longer scared!

In no time, I will be like you. I want to be like you, and to do so, this is what I must do. I shall start as soon as I can…

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( a/n: Matthias ) I step in to my son's room some time after he goes to bed. The little scamp, he complains so much about going to bed early, but he does not realise that it is for his own good. Younger ones need their sleep. But someday, he will no longer be little. 

What my little Mattimeo does not know is that I had heard him talk in his sleep, even through the door. You see, my dear Cornflower and I make not much noise when it is night, we could both hear him through the door.

I walk up to his bed and stare down at his sleeping body. He smiles while he sleeps. Ahhh, the smile of the young and pure. He should be happy to be young now, for some day he will be a full adult beast and will have important duties to keep the Abbey running and keeping it safe.

I pull some more of his covers over him to cover up his shoulders. Waking up in the morning with cold shoulders is never nice. I stroke his cheek, his nose twitches slightly, but he makes no other movement. I smile, I am happy to have such a determined and well brought-up son.

I sigh then as I stare out of the bedroom window into the dark night. But the things my son does not yet know.

Mattimeo, it will be a while before you are even worthy enough to become a warrior of Redwall. You have much to learn, and at such a young age, you need more convincing my dear son.

A warrior is not someone who is completely emotionless, or strong. I for one am not strong myself, not as strong as Basil or Constance, or even Jess. That does not mean that I am not strong, it is not physical strength that is the big issue when it comes to strength. Mental strength is what you need, my son. You need to be able to think, you need to stay focused, you need not to panic.

And a warrior is not someone who is angry at their enemy. I am not angry at my own enemies, an exception given to a selected few. As a warrior, you do what you must, to protect the people you love, the place you live and honour. 

And as for being scared and brave… you are a very brave mouse indeed already. Though you still have much to learn, you already know what it feels like for a warrior when it comes to dealing with being brave and not being scared. You want to show that there is hope left for you, to give the other beasts faith to believe that their saviour will come for them. 

But my Mattimeo… that does not mean that we are never scared. For you see, when I had awoken to discover that you and other beasts' children had been kidnapped by Lunar Stellaris ( a/n: in case people think I'm rambling on about some kind of different shit, Lunar Stellaris was ONE of the other names given to Slagar. ), though your mother was so dreadfully worried, I reassured her that you would be safe, you and the other beasts would come home safe, and that I would make sure of it. She was relieved slightly and put her trust in me, she had faith in me to bring you back. But that was just your mother who was relieved and had someone to confide in. I had no one but myself and the crew of other beasts who came along with me to defeat the Cruel One.

But I had faith in myself as well. And with that faith and determination, I and the other beasts who had joined me were able to bring you back home. But what I am really trying to say here is…

Mattimeo… I was actually scared too.

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Jeshi: Okies, I'm done. ^-^ And like I said, be nice with reviews, it's only my first one.   
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